I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.
Plutarch
One of the greatest support systems in a person’s life are their friends. And regardless of its clichéd connotations, the proverb that a man is known by the company he keeps is as irrefutably true today as it was, say, a thousand years ago. In a world where good friends are already hard to find, considering yes-men and sycophants your friends is not just delusional, but potentially detrimental to one’s interests.
A good friend isn’t someone who agrees with us on everything, nor someone with whom we have never had an argument. In fact, the hallmark of a well-meaning friend is that they are our biggest critics. They are always more concerned about what is good for us, rather than how they can please us. They do not mind irking us every now and then to make sure we are on the right track. From giving their two cents about our career choices to the people we date, their opinions are always based on what they think is best for us. This often leads to disagreements and potential rifts, but even our indifferent attitude has no bearing on their well-intentioned advice.
Friends are supposed to be our guides, not shadows. They are not supposed to parrot everything we say and agree with whatever we feel. They are part of our lives to course-correct us whenever we go astray. For them, our well-being and success take precedence over everything else. And this selfless concern is what sets them apart from toadies who hang out with us out of their selfish motives.
Plutarch was a Greek philosopher, biographer and essayist. Mainly known for Parallel Lives, a series of biographies of distinguished Greeks and Romans, Plutarch once wrote: “I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.”